The Lutheran Slap

How can people not believe in God or is some type of higher power? I think this a lot. During the journey to relocate Valerie to South Dakota – the homeless woman I brought back from nyc – I thought this over and over. Just when I wanted to give up, to walk away, to tell her to “kiss my sd backside,” God always reached in and planted a Lutheran slap. You know the one…when you were little and turned to watch Bev Riedel play the organ in the balcony or to see if the “todiefor” McGee boys made it to the back pew…BAM, dad’s finger tips would find the back of my head, hard and sharp. God does that. When I quit paying attention, he reaches right down and….BAM, reminds me to focus on what is at front of me.

Right now, I am sitting on the deck of my friend's cabin on Lake Herman with God…he says “hi” by the way. I am writing outside at 10 pm with a cool breeze, acrobatic fireflies, and a view of the moon and its reflection off the lake that must have been the inspiration for VanGough, Whitman, and Lewis and Clark.

Earlier, I went out for a long walk and watched the sun go down. The deep merlot red and the burning gold colors of a SD sun are so intensely vibrant that they cannot be captured on my camera. It just looks like an extreme close up of the head of a burning match over a treeless, green linoleum.

Yesterday, someone told me that God grants blessings and forgiveness without us even asking for it. She said that randomly a person would reappear in her life or a name would resurface that would immediately conjure up feelings of resentment, but she could not remember why. She confessed, “I know they offended or betrayed me in some way; but, for the life of me, I could not remember the exact incident. Therefore, I must have forgiven them if I could not remember it. “
This has happened to me!

Do not get me wrong, I am not, by nature, a resentful person. I have been blessed with a chronic amnesia that allows me to love students and my own children the most when they act like they want and/or deserve it the least. Therefore, I do not seem to remember hurtful acts or comments. Resentment just leads to other ugly emotions like anger and jealousy for which I just do not have the energy.

However, I have a small handful of people (specifically five) that I just rather not be around, discuss or address. All five live in the same town as I. Three of the five were acquaintances in college the other two were colleagues at a former job over a decade ago. After hearing this woman describe “passive forgiveness” I immediately thought of these people. I even confessed that my feelings totaled almost 100 years of ill will…ohmygosh! I immediately forgave these people and myself wasting the space in my body with such frivolous negativity.

That was not enough for God…oh no, I got a huge Lutheran slap. This morning I randomly went into a coffee shop and there sat Tracy – one of the five. I rarely see her, and in 25 years I have never acknowledged her. BAM. I turned around in my pew and followed her out the door.

“Hi Tracy.”
“Ummm…hi Kim.”
“Gosh, it is nice to see you. Do you live around in this neighborhood?”
“Ummm…no.” (she looked around like she was expecting camera crews).

I continued small talk, she hesitantly, while inching toward her vehicle, answer my questions.

Finally, I said, “It was really nice to see you and a treat to catch up. Take care.”

God is a funny dude. He heard me thinking and praying about this; so, just for giggles he decided to let me try out this new theory. Thank “God,” I have always been pretty good at pop quizzes. It felt good to let it go….and, frankly, her horrified expression in my head is a much more fun snapshot than the one I had of her from SDSU in 1984. Is that bad? God, please forgive me.