Theory of Dakotability

The working name of my writings is Theory of Dakotability. I have to give credit where is credit is due. My dear friend Mary Garry introduced it to me years ago, and like any good artist, I have borrowed it ever since. It is the truest of theories with which I have experienced. Simply, when the rest of the world is playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Separation, in the Dakotas, it boils down to One Degree of Everyone.  It usually begins like this, “I know someone from South Dakota.” I follow with, “Who?” We are a state of family names.  Especially since I was an athlete, I know all the players and names. Are you a Daily or Allard  - Jefferson/Elk Point.  Webers are from  Bridgewater.  Glanzers are Armor or Freeman natives, Kings are Lyman County and Knights are Beresford all day long. By the way, I am the same girl that can name the mascot if you give me the South Dakota school.

I could probably dedicate a chapter of this work to each time I have experienced this theory, but I want this to be a short book of musings and not an encyclopedia of experiences. Let’s just say that the Theory of Dakotability has been proved true as I have traveled the world.

Ambergris Caye, Belize

·         A college friend and her daughters booked a room next to my house on the beach. As I ran by with a group of my favorite students, I heard, “Kim is that you?”

·         Someone saying, “Aren’t you Kim Bartling?” as I walked out of an ice cream parlor with an entourage of children. This person was wearing a SDSU Jackrabbit t-shirt.

·          “Hey Bartling!” from 2 former students as they climbed on a boat to leave the island as I was walking on the beach to work.  

·         A tap on the shoulder by a young woman behind me in line at the famous Thursday Chicken Drop line followed by, “I think you taught me junior English.”  This former student just happened to be vacationing with my father’s oncology nurse, so it was a double wammy.

New York City - more times than I can recall, but here are a couple of my favorites…

·         After the production of Cabaret with Alan Cumming, I waited by the stage door.  I loved AC, so I waited.  Also at the stage door was a lovely group of young college students on Spring Break from Boston.  They were discussing as to whom was going to take pictures if – in fact – Mr. Cumming would pose. I finally said, “Ladies, give me your cameras, and I will take the pictures with all of your cameras.” They looked at me with a combination of hope and fear. It was a great solution, but they were in NYC and had been warned that everyone was to be feared.  I finally said in their obvious hesitation, “I am from South Dakota. I am not going to steal your cameras.”  To which one girl said, “I am from Sioux City, Iowa.”

 I retorted, “I am from Sioux Falls. What high school did you go to?”

 “Heelan,” she said. I shared that I taught at O’Gorman.

 She confessed, “I went to prom with Jason Grenevitch.”

 “I was his advisor and teacher of sophomore English and speech.” Done, done and done.

 

·         Mike Capps. After the Broadway production of Doubt with Cherry Jones and Bryan O’Brynn, I had questions for Ms. Jones.  It was a extraordinary cold evening and despite the success of the production, the weather kept fans at bay – with the exception of me and a gorgeous blonde that oozed of class and money.  Frankly, she just didn’t look like the type who would stand by a stage door and wait for anyone.  We struck up an immediate conversation. She lived in the Upper West Side, worked in marketing, had three beautiful, successful daughters. She was married to her second husband, whom she met over a crime scene in Texas as each of them was covering it for separate media houses. It was a fun story.   

Once the two of us had our time with the cast and asked out questions, we walked one another down the street – me to the subway and her to called car. I said, “I am excited to get home at a decent hour as I can still catch the last innings of some spring training baseball games.” She simply responded, “Oh, you and my husband would get along great.  He is a baseball announcer during the actual season.” I stopped, processed and said, “Is your husband Mike Capps?”  Seriously?  “How do you know my husband?” I assured her that it was all legit and that my brain just did the math for me.  They were from Texas, husband left the city after 9/11, he worked for CBS sports and announced baseball.  I know a guy named Mike Capps who used to be the announcer for the Sioux Falls Canaries that met all of those criteria.

 We decided to go out for dinner together and dial Mike once he got off the air at 11 pm.  She called and said, “Hey honey, I have someone here who would like to speak to you.”

“Mike, how about you and I road trip to Fargo this weekend to announce a Redhawks – Canaries game and make fun of all the ‘I give up’ outfits the local women wear?” 

“Holy shit, Bartling, how did you get ahold of my wife’s phone?” 

It is the Theory of Dakotability baby!

It has happened to me outside the Vatican,  a train station in Germany, spring training in Mesa, the Sundance Film Festival,  and at a minor league baseball stadium in New Jersey. Even my sister who lives in Baltimore has had an episode happen on my behalf. A man stopped her outside her house because she had South Dakota plates. Turns out, that his wife was my stage manager when I directed Steel Magnolias at the Sioux Empire Community Theatre in 2008. Yep…..Theory of Dakotablity.