I was to show up on Sat. morning at my friend Shelly's house to work on a fund raising event for Mama Vilma's House (a safe house for women and children.) We created a fashion show that featured clothes from all the boutiques on the island. Afterwards, there was a dance etc. Tickets were $25. Anyway, when I showed up at 8:30 am to go to begin work, another woman was there waiting for me. She said that needed my help - that she had heard that I was a child therapist.
I told her that she was misinformend - that I was a teacher. She said that someone told her to find the blonde American who worked at Holy Cross because I had a "special talent" with children. She said her best friend needed my help asap.
Here was the story...Her best friend was married to a man who was a closeted gay. Years ago, they decided to stay together because they had children, but that they would be allowed to live separate lives. Well, he had been diagnosed as having diabetes. In reality, he had kidney cancer. Sadly, he died the day before. The wife (her best friend) is 8 month pregnant with someone else's child
They have one child that is 4 and a son - Ethan - 9. Ethan was not told that his father was ill until 2 days prior. So, one day he finds out his dad is sick and the next day his 31 yr old father is dead.
Ethan began immediately acting out. For the last 48 hours he was either dispondent or screaming. For some reason, they thought I could talk to him.
So, what do I am I to do? I - again - reiterated that I am not a child therapist. They said there was no such thing on the island and needed help. I said, "Ok, bring him over to where I will be working on the Mama Vilma's House event, and I will do my best."
We get in the cart and I said, "Ethan, is it true that your dad died yesterday?" He nodded. I said, "Ohmygoodness, I am so sorry. Would you mind if we could be quiet for a while as we drive because I might cry? It is not fair that a 9 year old boy loses dad." He nodded again. So we rode for a while. Finally I said, "Ethan, did they bring you to talk to me because Shelly and Monica knew I was really sad too? Did they ask you to talk to me?" He shook his head and looked confused. Then I said, "Cuz my dad died about a month ago from today, and I came to Belize because I was sad and mad and scared." Then, this kid said after a long pause (this is God's honest truth)...."Well, maybe you needed to come here to clear your head."
The rest of the day, I told him the thoughts I had, emotions I felt etc and let him diagnose me. It was a beautiful day, and I learned tons. At the end of the day, we were going back to my house, and I let him pick out a pair of shoes and a couple of sweaters and toys (i come with a k-mart in my pack)
Then, we talked about his mom having a baby, and his little brother, and how she was probably scared and sad like us. I told him how I always feel better when my sons hug me and tell me it is going to be alright. I asked him if he would consider hugging me since my sons were in the United States. We hugged a long time
Then he told me that his dad drank too much. I said, "Yeah, my dad drank too much too, but years ago he quit, and it was really hard. But, the good news is that you can't drink in Heaven and my dad was waiting for him to show him around. Ethan, you know what my dad is doing right now? He is pointing down at us and saying, 'look at my silly daughter, she thinks that she can be best friends with a little boy. She has so many different types of friends!' You know Ethan, it doesn't matter if you are 9 or 49 like me...when our dads die it hurts the exact same.
We are now emailing a bit back and forth. I am sure he helped me more than I did him. I guess I am a child therapist - this child did a therapy number on me.
